And now I'm mad at him. I promised I wouldn't say anything bad about him and I'll keep that promise, but now I'm mad because I get to realize it's his fault. The relationship was his fault in the first place, and although I think many issues were my fault or atleast mostly so, he did lots of things wrong, too. Hurting me the most is the fact that I know I loved him more than he loved me. Through actions and notions of respect and love, I could tell. Odd, because at the beginning of the relationship (when I kept thinking we had so much in common), it seemed to be so balanced. I remember comparing the mutual like to the more one-sidedness that happened with Justin (where it was me) and Rob (where it was him). I think I may have written a journal entry about it some time in February. I won't let myself look back. It's not his fault that he didn't love me as much as I loved him. I want to scream from the rooftops that he's incapable, but I don't think that's true. I do know that he loved me, and I think that when he finds the right person, he'll go leaps and bounds, and give them the unconditional support he wasn't able to give me.
Unintentionally, I see myself becoming someone who won't open up, because they know it'll hurt more when it's over. One of those cynical, pessimistic people that I never thought I would be. I've always been more of a "It's better to have loved and lost" sort of person, and now it's all changing. I'm not saying I regret the relationship... just that I will be much more careful with my heart in the future.
I wonder if writing is therapeutic, or I have some sort of ulterior motive.