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Jun. 1st, 2006

LJ isn't working, so I'm updating through e-mail. I'm having a terrible night.

I was feeling tired this evening, so I decided to take a nap before going to meet Ron at his apartment. He said he'd be off sometime between 8 and 9, probably closer to 9. I said I'd meet him there.

Apparently that means that at 8:56 (when I'm almost to his apartment way across town) he can text me to say that instead, he's going to assume that I'm "still sleeping" (even though I had set my alarm so that I could meet him after work at his apartment) and that he's going to go out with his friend Nick to Hooters. Actually,the place doesn't matter. The company doesn't matter. the point is that we had plans and that he would assume that I would continue to sleep even though we had made plans together, and that allowed him to make new plans and come home an hour and a half later than I had expected him.

So then when I decide that it doesn't really matter and that it's not worth being mad about, he asks me if I like his friends. The answer is yes, I do. I don't particularly like drinking, especially not when it's going to cost me (or someone else) an arm and a leg, and I don't like long esoteric conversations about X3 in which I have no interest, especially when I'm tired. But yes, I like his friends. I think they are good, nice people, and I'm sorry if I'm shy around them. I'm shy around lots of people, particularly when I want to make a good impression. Sometimes this forms the opposite effect when I don't speak enough, but it's something that can't really be helped, it's just the way I am.

But apparently even though I like Ron's friends, he doesn't like mine. Apparently they are beneath me? No, not beneath me. My friends are me. What he meant to say as that I was beneath him, because of the company I keep or whatever other reason. My friends are wonderful, great people, and the people that I spend time with have shown the true test of friendship in sticking by me through everything I've been through in the past year. My friendships have changed immensely in the past 14 months, the past 6 months, and the past 3 months, and no one can talk about my friends--the people by me through thick and thin-- the way that Ron seems to think is okay to do. If my friends aren't good enough for Ron, then I'm not good enough for Ron. Simple as that.

As a side note to that, yes, I like to win at things. I'm very competitive. This odesn't mean that I specifically pick friends who are "beneath me" -- I pick friends because we have things in common, because we get along, because I enjoy being around them and having conversastions with them. I also like to be challenged, and my friends challenge me to be better than I am. So screw you, Ron. You have no idea what you're talking about because you haven't gotten the chance to know. but you will.

I'm not saying that this is over, me and Ron. I'm obviously not very emotionally sound right now, but I think that this is something that we can work out. I'm sure that things were said tonight that weren't meant, by both of us, and I hate that the heat of the moment can cause people to be so caustic. I'm very much in love with Ron but sometimes it just seems so hard to get through an argument knowing that the outcome won't change your life. I'd like to think that eventually we will have friends in common, friends we will have make together, friends who he deems "good enough" to be around his girlfriend. I hope he realizes just how special to me my current friendships are and I hope he realizes that I respect his friendships and relationships with people as well. I hope he realizes that things that I've suggested can be just as good as things other people suggest, that it's not terrible to be the host occasionally, and that sometimes I need to feel like I'm not the outsider/guest, as I'm often put in the place.


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 1st, 2006 04:45 am (UTC)
"Friends" issues can be one of the things that will make or break a relationship.
Jun. 1st, 2006 01:53 pm (UTC)
I agree that it's never really accurate to talk about whether people are "good enough" or not. What's true is that people are different. You happen to be someone who's able to make friends with lots of different types of people. This is a huge asset. You're able to see that most people are intrinsically good and interesting.

I think it's more common for people to want to have friends who are not too dissimilar from themselves. This makes things easier in some respects. For instance, you might have fewer stalemate arguments on politics or religion, which some think of as a waste of time. On the other hand, it's limiting. You might miss out of getting to know some great people.

I don't know Ron well enough to put him into this second group, but if this is at the core of your disagreement, I think it's something that can be worked through. I've seen it happen, and to some extent I've been through it. Vivi, who, like you, is very open and accepting of people, has helped me to be less judgmental in some cases, much to my benefit.
Jun. 1st, 2006 06:00 pm (UTC)
I'm glad that you're at least standing up for yourself and your friends. You're completely justified in your anger, I would have been completely insulted if my boyfriend said something like that to me. Hopefully Ron can see past whatever judgements he's made and see why you've chosen to surround yourself with these people.

Jun. 1st, 2006 07:29 pm (UTC)
Ouch :-/ Hope things work out.
Jun. 2nd, 2006 10:06 am (UTC)
Sorry.. I'm just seeing this this morning. My guess is (forgive me for putting words in Ron's mouth) that Ron is starting to see sides of you that he doesn't understand. I have a wide variety of friends too. Usually the ones that don't like each other just ignore each other, so we all side-step the issue. Sometimes the people who love us think that they have to understand and agree with every part of our lives (particularly if the relationship is serious). It may be hard for him to accept that these people are important to you and fill an important role in your life.. and might fill a need within you that he doesn't see.

I was in a serious romantic relationship with a good friend for a long time. The thing was, most of my other friends hated him. We all eventually worked things out by agreeing to disagree. The part of me that loved my friends was a different part from the one that loved my boyfriend. They stopped criticizing him to me. I realized that they didn't disapprove of me because they didn't like the man I loved. It took time and some effort, but it ended up being okay.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )


Much like pineapples, I am hardcore.

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