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Rob-ja vu

I'm scared that eventually I'll want to give him an ultimatum
I'm scared that he doesn't mind raising Jewish kids
I'm scared that I have too much of an influence over this
I'm scared that he thinks I want him to convert
I'm scared that despite my conscious thoughts, that I actually do
I'm scared that I'll feel hypocritical (again)
I'm scared that my children's father won't be able to explain their religion to them
I'm scared that he'll be ostracized
I'm scared that I don't know exactly what I want
I'm scared that it's been only two months and that this is a major issue
I'm scared this will continue to be a constant issue.
I'm scared that I'm not worth this

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( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
teenonfire4lord
Apr. 10th, 2006 07:26 pm (UTC)
First of all, you are worth anything and everything. You are a wonderful person and should never feel you aren't worth anything.

These are the problems of mixing religions in a relationship. Of course you want him to convert...you want him to believe what you do. That's not a bad thing.

I don't know what it means for your relationship, but you shouldn't feel bad because it is an issue. It is perhaps the most important issue that can come up.

Good luck.
Sean
thisgirliknow
Apr. 10th, 2006 11:16 pm (UTC)
I don't necessarily want him to believe what I do. There's no reward like having him beside me in heaven if we are the same religion. I'm not scared for his afterlife, either, if he doesn't. I don't want thim to pretend to believe something that he doesn't.
tevarin
Apr. 10th, 2006 08:21 pm (UTC)
My two cents
Go slow. Don't get engaged, don't make permanent commitments while under the ecstatic but not entirely sane feeling of falling in love. Time will either calm your fears or crystallize them into certainty about what you need to do. Given a year together, you'll have time to figure out what you want, and he'll have time to figure out what he wants, and you'll both have plenty of time to communicate and talk about it and sort out how you feel for the long term.
thisgirliknow
Apr. 10th, 2006 08:22 pm (UTC)
Re: My two cents
we're not planning on getting engaged any time soon, so no worries about that.

what ever happened to "hurts less now than it will later" -- you're telling me to wait.
tevarin
Apr. 10th, 2006 08:48 pm (UTC)
Re: My two cents
Not saying it won't hurt. I guess I'm saying that time will make your feelings about Ron and his feelings about you more certain. If you don't know whether you want to stay or leave; wait. You'll figure it out, and once you do know, you can make your decision with less fear of regret.

thisgirliknow
Apr. 10th, 2006 09:04 pm (UTC)
Re: My two cents
thats the whole thing. At this point, I KNOW that I want to stay. It's awfully complicated.
beckyaya
Apr. 10th, 2006 10:39 pm (UTC)
I hate to sound like a bitch, but didn't you know this was going to happen?

Anyway, I'm sure there's some kind of solution to this. But I don't see why you really NEED to figure it out right now...
thisgirliknow
Apr. 10th, 2006 10:41 pm (UTC)
I did know, and I don't need to figure it out right now. It was brought up on a large scale by his parents this weekend, so it's on our minds.
tboneblue
Apr. 10th, 2006 10:53 pm (UTC)
Very real fears
Barring external pressure, I don't think you will, as this will be a point of discussion for a while.

Scared because they turn out to be Jewish adults? Or scared because of the implication that I'm not Jewish so how could I have an opinion one way or the other about raising Jewish kids? Or scared that I'm Christian, so I should be concerned about why my kids aren't being raised as I was?

You have as much control over the situation as anyone in this situation does. You can't make me convert. You can't make me stop loving you, either. Come to think of it, you can't really make me do anything that I don't really want to do.

I don't think you want me to convert.

At least not consciously, not yet.

I can't say what the future brings. (I'm sworn to secrecy)

There's a lot of time before children enter the picture. I could be wrong, but I'd like to think that I'm capable of learning, at the very least, the basics of the religion in that time. Whether I'm explaining it to them as a fellow Jew or as an educated dad, does it make that much of a difference? (Not to say that I'm on any kind of equal footing with Jewish fathers who have grown up and been steeped in the Jewish faith and traditions.)

Would that affect the children?

You're 21. You're not supposed to know exactly what you want. At least, that's my theory. If you knew exactly what you wanted, you'd have your sights set on getting it, or you'd already have it.

If you average it out, it's been longer than two months, though, right?

Communication is the key to a healthy relationship.

Worth the tension, stress, and anxiety? Definitely not. Worth the happiness, new experiences and ideas, mutual dorkiness that we can share? Definitely worth it.
thisgirliknow
Apr. 11th, 2006 12:00 am (UTC)
Re: Very real fears
Wait... I'm not worth the tension stress and anxiety? Your wording scares me.

I guess I meant being more afraid that (our) children would ask "why doesn't Daddy believe the same things we do? Why doesn't daddy go to the synagogue with us? How come daddy can't read torah? " and so forth.

If you average it out, a month is a month, no matter how many days. I suppose technically we've been "dating" since the 2nd, and it's now the tenth. But we started a relationship on the 8th, and February is 28 days long. March is 31. So we've been in a relationship 61 days. Dating 67. I don't know how long you consider a "month."

I guess I'm scared that you don't mind raising Jewish kids because you probably never thought that you would... and here I am. Passively influencing you to raise Jewish children, and there you are, wanting to be with me enough that you don't mind.
beckyaya
Apr. 11th, 2006 12:06 am (UTC)
Re: Very real fears
You were dating on the first night you met?
thisgirliknow
Apr. 11th, 2006 12:09 am (UTC)
Re: Very real fears
blah, crap. No. I got confused. We didn't even speak again for several days. I think we didn't talk again at all till Monday.
thisgirliknow
Apr. 15th, 2009 03:48 am (UTC)
Re: Very real fears
I can reply to old comments too!
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )

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