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Feb. 27th, 2006

Back in August when I was dating Matt, it was really hard for me to tell Justin about it. I cited this conversation:

Carrie: You do this every time! *Every* time! What? Do you have some sort of radar? Carrie might be happy - it's time to sweep in and shit all over it?
Big: What? No, no, I came here to tell you something. I made a mistake. You and I -
Carrie: You and I - *nothing*! You can not do this to me again! You can not jerk me around!
Big: Carrie, listen to me. It is different this time -
Carrie: Oh, it's never different! It's six years of *never* being different! This is it! I am done! Don't call me ever again! Forget you know my number! In fact, forget you know my name! And you can drive up this street all you want - because I don't live here any more!


My thoughts were that Justin crapped all over everything whenever I was in a new relationship. He did it with Rob, certainly. I don't know if its Justin that I'm afraid of though-- is it me? Do I date someone and then in fear that Justin won't approve, do I back out and ultimately go back to him, and then blame him for telling the truth about the relationship?

...

I told Justin about Ron today. Kind of. He and I came back (from driving all over town looking for a power cord) to my apartment and Ron's car was here. Justin had planned on walking me in, but then I dropped the 'b' word. "My boyfriend is inside." It seemed even odd to say it. Last time he asked me if I had a boyfriend, it was a few days after I had had "the break up talk" with him, and I didn't have a boyfriend, then. It just seems so trivial that I do now, especially since it's only been in existance for less than three weeks.

Anyway, I asked Justin if he wanted to meet Ron, and he said, "another time." and gave me one of those Justin-specific odd glances. I don't want him to crap all over this relationship whether he means to or not, but I can hear (in my head) him saying all sorts of condescending things about why it won't work out, etc. I'm not going to try to prove the voice wrong (as I think I tried to do with Rob), but rather listen to it, and take its advice, but keep my own head. Justin's support and advice mean a whole lot to me, but as he's someeone who I dated on and off for 3.5 years, I guess I need to remember that he isn't perfect and that I need to take any advice with a grain of salt, and need to remember that Ron and I are happy where we are now, happy with the relationship, etc. I also need to realize that Justin is one of my very closest friends and that his opinion does matter to me, whether I want to hear it or not. I really hope that Justin doesn't write this off as one of those "Melissa two week relationships" that I tend to have when getting over him (or trying to). This one... it sounds cheesy/corny, but it's "different" and it's going to take an awful lot to break this up.


Kay, I really had to get that out. And now I can talk about Ron in public rather than hiding posts from people.

Tonight we went to watch Grey's Anatomy at Nick and Melissa's. Would have watched Desperate Housewives, too, but it wasn't on for whatever reason. I surprisingly liked GA, I didn't think I would at all. And of course the company was superb.

I have to live with the knowledge that Ron's dad knows that I listen to stuff like Stephen Lynch's "I wanna F your sister." Why couldn't he have caught Ron laughing this morning at Mozart's 40th or something? Oh well. I do like comedy songs, and it's part of who I am. Atleast Nick and Melissa really enjoyed the song as well.... but yeah. I prefer people (specifically boyfriends parents, and even more specifically Ron's parents) to know me and like me before they find out that I like songs that could be considered offensive or disturbing. I also like to be able to explain that while Bill Clinton did a horrible thing (adultery; lying under oath), I still very much respect him as a person and respect his political career, as I think he did wonderful things as president. I suppose that's a story for another day.

Gotta wake up fairly early to go shopping with Sara tomorrow. She's buying a new computer and wants the company/(expert advice)/lunch partner. I love not working Mondays.

Aaand last thing. Plans are set for Saturday/Sunday in Orlando with Andrea. Islands of Adventure, here I come!

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Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
thebohomama
Feb. 27th, 2006 08:20 am (UTC)
Thats sounds *alot* like the situation I'm in with my ex/best friend... Always trying to move on, get tangled back into a relationship with him, am afraid/apprehensive of telling him about new relationships... ugh. It sucks. I think though, I think, moving to Ireland has indeed helped me wash my hands of it in a way!
thisgirliknow
Feb. 27th, 2006 03:56 pm (UTC)
exactly the same :(

You did what people keep telling me to do-- move out of the country, away from him, and get over him. For someone in my situation that wasn't planning on leaving the country anyway, it seems a little drastic :-P

Why aren't you and the ex together?
thebohomama
Feb. 27th, 2006 04:13 pm (UTC)
lol well you seem to be doing okay at the moment, but I understand the constant stress a person like that can bring to the situation.

We aren't together anymore for a very very very wide variety of reasons, but mostly he just wasn't growing up, and I wasn't growing being stuck with him. It got too comfortable, and he started to look like a brother to me than a lover.
thisgirliknow
Feb. 27th, 2006 04:20 pm (UTC)
gotcha. I was hoping it was something that you could offer me advice about, but Justin's hardly a brother to me.

There is pretty much one reason why we aren't together, but its a big one, for both of us: religion.
thebohomama
Feb. 27th, 2006 04:50 pm (UTC)
Ahh, I think I've caught drift of that from some of your entries, actually.

Wish I could help more. I definitely kept getting caught in the romantic loop with him, and it was impossible to move on and date other guys if he was in the local picture. Struggling with the ability to remain friends when one of us is dating someone else.
negativeneve
Feb. 28th, 2006 04:56 am (UTC)
He has you wrapped around his little finger.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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botticelli
thisgirliknow
Much like pineapples, I am hardcore.

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