Much like pineapples, I am hardcore. (thisgirliknow) wrote,
Much like pineapples, I am hardcore.

I had a dream/nightmare that Rob and I got back together. The thing is, I'm an awful person. Even in the dream, I knew I didn't want to be with him-- but I just wanted more time together. I wanted to be kissing him, hugging him, telling him it would be alright, trying to take back all the damage I did to him... all the while not planning to be with him anymore. I think that was an element in the parts of our relationship too. Trying to break up with him, but not being able to go through with it at all because I wanted to still be with him-- just not in the long run. Incredibly selfish and unfair of me.

I KNOW that I don't want to be with him anymore. My conscious self knows it, my subconscious self knows it, but this part of me wants to be in his arms... And then I think of how much he seems to have changed after we broke up. He's said things to me that I never dreamed would come out of his mouth. As far as I know, he even gave up on his dream/career in computers, and now sells some sort of insurance. The Rob I love wouldn't do that, so this must be a new Rob. A horrible Rob. That I created.

And again I'm wishing I could be with him telling him it's all okay.


(edited to put in new post)
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