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I had a dream/nightmare that Rob and I got back together. The thing is, I'm an awful person. Even in the dream, I knew I didn't want to be with him-- but I just wanted more time together. I wanted to be kissing him, hugging him, telling him it would be alright, trying to take back all the damage I did to him... all the while not planning to be with him anymore. I think that was an element in the parts of our relationship too. Trying to break up with him, but not being able to go through with it at all because I wanted to still be with him-- just not in the long run. Incredibly selfish and unfair of me.

I KNOW that I don't want to be with him anymore. My conscious self knows it, my subconscious self knows it, but this part of me wants to be in his arms... And then I think of how much he seems to have changed after we broke up. He's said things to me that I never dreamed would come out of his mouth. As far as I know, he even gave up on his dream/career in computers, and now sells some sort of insurance. The Rob I love wouldn't do that, so this must be a new Rob. A horrible Rob. That I created.

And again I'm wishing I could be with him telling him it's all okay.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. GO AWAY ROB THOUGHTS.

(edited to put in new post)

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
tevarin
Jun. 19th, 2005 07:24 pm (UTC)
You shouldn't blame yourself for Rob's career issues. He's his own person with responsibility for his own choices. And I point out that he got himself fired from his computer job well before you guys broke up.

In general, it seems unlikely that you turned a perfect guy into a monster. Maybe back in the good old days you just didn't see his potential for nastiness (and surely he was then presenting you with his best side).
lizblizz
Jun. 25th, 2005 12:30 pm (UTC)
I agree. I don't think his career choices really have anything to do with your break-up...

In a way, I suppose yes. He seems really interested in this insurance stuff, and it allows him to make good money and stay in Gainesville for a bit longer... Let's him stay around his friends for a bit longer until he's ready to move on completely.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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botticelli
thisgirliknow
Much like pineapples, I am hardcore.

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