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May. 17th, 2005

So, the "neighbor" (as I found out, he isn't actually a neighbor, he just has friends in the neighborhood, but I'm still calling him that) came over a little after ten... I'm glad, because I had been trying to reach him to tell him I wasn't going to Pockets. Anyway, we went for a walk. Just talked. He was being a little too touchy feely for my likes at some times, but it was generally okay. Nice person. He kept telling me how awesome I was. Always nice to hear.. the first five hundred times. But sheesh. Anyway, we had some good conversations.. about life, about people we knew in common... even about Latin (he took it for one year)!

Out of ten stars, I rate him a four. Cool enough to hang out with occasionally, but not date-worthy, and miles away from friend -worthy.


( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 18th, 2005 07:30 am (UTC)
shouldn't your dates be held to at least as high a standard as your friends?
May. 18th, 2005 09:24 am (UTC)
Well, one would think so. But I have super-crazy-high standards for friends.
May. 18th, 2005 09:25 am (UTC)
I realize that someone you have as a boyfriend should also be your friend, and you should marry someone who is basically your best friend at that point...

but for one date, nah.
May. 18th, 2005 09:58 am (UTC)
The two sets of standards can be different. I rate Naomi very highly as someone to marry (obviously), but some of my reasons (her blunt honesty, fierce personal attachment to Judaism, superb parenting skills, solid sense of responsibility) aren't as relevant to friendship or casual dating. On the other hand, she doesn't score that high on some of my traditional markers of friendship (geekiness, similar sense of humor, love of intellectual debate). Of course, she has some overlaps (intelligence, generosity, sexiness) which apply across the board.

In general, I don't think you can necessarily expect someone to be your best friend and also your best lifemate. If you find such a person, congratulations, but (IMO) it's not bad having a good wife and good friends as well.
May. 18th, 2005 11:06 am (UTC)
your friends have to be sexy?
May. 18th, 2005 11:45 am (UTC)
*laugh* I should have been more clear. Sexiness is a plus in a date, and of course in a spouse. In a platonic friend, it's distracting.
May. 18th, 2005 11:36 am (UTC)
I agree that there are some different qualities that are needed for different types of friendships, (for instance, I don't need to find my friends sexy ..(??) ) but I wouldn't date anyone who I wouldn't be friends with. I think the main quality I look for in dates or friends is just that I want to be around them all the time because they make me feel comfortable, laugh and feel good about myself. Also, loyalty, honesty, open-mindedness, curiosity, intelligence - but I think the main thing is to have a rapport and shared understanding with someone. Someone that I'd want to date has to have additional qualities, like making me feel safe, and wanting a similar lifestyle in the future. But I can't think of any qualities or traits that I would want in a friend that I wouldn't also want someone I date to have. The idea of it's just for one date ... well I guess I wouldn't mind going for _one_ date with someone who wasn't these things (as long as they took me somewhere very exciting) but I wouldn't want _to date_ them. And I don't know how I would find this person or want to be around them in the first place, unless it was a blind date.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )


Much like pineapples, I am hardcore.

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