December 26th, 2007


Israel anxieties

I'm mostly packed. I have a few more things-- toiletries that I can't pack yet, my phone and phone charger, and I need to remember to switch out the laces in my hiking boots... but for the most part, done. I spent about $200 at Target today buying the rest of the things I needed for the trip. Hardly a $35 Goodwill shopping trip, but there are some things I just won't buy used. My iPod is charged and set with new music that Deb loaded on there. My Israel Cell will be waiting for me at the airport. I've packed itineraries and schedules and programmed my phone with all the numbers I'll need, set people to take care of my dogs, and thought of every single last thing I need, and written about a million lists.

So now that that huge hurdle has been jumped through, the worries start. Will my luggage make it with me to New York? Will *I* make it to New York in time? Will they confiscate my toothpaste thinking its a bomb? It's hard having things I can't control.

And what about those things I can control? Will I be too shy and not want to hang out with anyone? Will my cousin Will make friends instantly, leaving me all shy and alone? Will everyone look as JAPpy as they do in their facebook profiles?

And then those other things I wish I could control... Will I come back a changed person? Will I be amazed and stunned? What if I go and I feel nothing? What if I'm just not connected to Israel? I have no family there and no ancestors that I know of. I don't speak the language [very well] and I'm not dreaming of visiting the Western Wall or climbing Masada. What if I'm simply just unconnected? What if I don't cry? :-/

I have a journal that Vivi gave me for my birthday. It's absolutely beautiful and I look forward to writing in it daily. Surely this will be a trip to remember.