June 19th, 2005


Sarah's party

I decided at the beginning that the party was going to suck-- There were
like three people between the ages of 15 and 40, and I was sitting with
synagogue people I didn't really care for. BUT, it ended up being awesome. I
spent most of the time dancing with the 12 and 13 year olds, but man.. I had
so so so much fun. I felt not very inhibited (only drank water all night,
thanks, though the 15 year olds got a bit drunk). I guess it's easier to be
cool when your dance partners look up to you.. literally. I danced many many
swing dances with Deborah, and a few slow songs I box-stepped with my dad. I
took my shoes off for most of the dancing, and my feet hurt SO much now. Of
course, they would hurt more if I hadn't taken my shoes off, but.. yeah.

We have got to fix Deborah's playlist- we didn't have enough dance music on
there as we need to. As much as we love Green Day, they aren't that great to
dance to. Sooo...

Can you guys possibly give me some help?...dance music, club music, bat mitzvah party songs, stuff
like YMCA, chicken dance... stuff everyone knows. Just names of songs and
singers if possible. It would be much appreciated. Please comment!

(no subject)

I had a dream/nightmare that Rob and I got back together. The thing is, I'm an awful person. Even in the dream, I knew I didn't want to be with him-- but I just wanted more time together. I wanted to be kissing him, hugging him, telling him it would be alright, trying to take back all the damage I did to him... all the while not planning to be with him anymore. I think that was an element in the parts of our relationship too. Trying to break up with him, but not being able to go through with it at all because I wanted to still be with him-- just not in the long run. Incredibly selfish and unfair of me.

I KNOW that I don't want to be with him anymore. My conscious self knows it, my subconscious self knows it, but this part of me wants to be in his arms... And then I think of how much he seems to have changed after we broke up. He's said things to me that I never dreamed would come out of his mouth. As far as I know, he even gave up on his dream/career in computers, and now sells some sort of insurance. The Rob I love wouldn't do that, so this must be a new Rob. A horrible Rob. That I created.

And again I'm wishing I could be with him telling him it's all okay.


(edited to put in new post)

(no subject)

In other news, I feel really sick. I lost most of my voice screaming last night (when DJs say scream, I scream) but it's more than that. My throat has been hurting for several days now, plus I'm all crampy. What a great day for a father's day hike, huh. I think I'm actually not going to go, which I feel terrible about. Needing to be no more than a couple hours away from the nearest restroom plus pain plus sounding like a man with this crazy deep voice that I get when I get sick, plus coughing and sneezing like it's going out of style.... Yeah. Perhaps best to cook Dad his favorite dinner tonight, and skip out on the hiking.