I called Verizon again, and not only do I get the discount they were going to give me before, now I am eligible for the New Every Two, which means I get $100 off another phone. This mostly subsided my self righteous anger.
So now I just need to decide which phone. Right now I am lodged pretty heavily between the pink curve 8330, the storm, and waiting a few months to see what comes out.
At Publix, I decided to buy blackberries. I also got ingredients to make crepes. So, if not a Blackberry Storm, a Blackberry Curve, or a Blackberry Pearl, at least I will have a Blackberry Crepe.