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Sore throat, busy day. ALL busy days.

After two days of feeling much much better, I woke up this morning with a super sore throat. So now I'm at work, but downing cough drops and feeling miserable. Why can't being sick be convenient to my job?

Today is going to be a looooong day. I finally went to bed around 2 after finishing hours of Statistics homework yesterday, woke up at 5:30, at work by 7. I get off work at 5, at which point I have to race over to school to take a make-up test for Statistics. Then at 7 I have my actual Stats class, and then when that's over, I have to finish a project for Educational Technology.

And it's not like I have crazy amounts of free time on Tuesday or Wednesday, either, which would be nice so I could catch up on things missed on Monday.

Sometimes I wonder if all this is worth it. Have I picked the right priorities? Should I be working full time as I am? Or, should I be taking out loans and going to school? Should I be working full time and taking out loans anyway so I could buy that awesome BCBG dress?

The problem is, I'm so busy doing all the things that make me me, that it feels like I don't have any time to actually be myself and enjoy my existence. I don't have time to spend time with my friends, and I think I've learned that the idea of a relationship is risible. And yet I continue to choose those priorities that aren't the ones that I'd like to think I want. Instead, I spend hours upon hours a week in class and doing homework. I guess right now I'm in some sort of 'means to an end' mode, where I do the things I have to do so that I can make a better life for myself when it's all over. It just seems sometimes that I am sacrificing way too much for something that I'm not even sure I want.

I changed my direct deposit over to a different account (I got ING checking) and it takes a couple cycles to kick in, so that's why I didn't get my money on Friday. They have a check for me.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 19th, 2007 02:57 pm (UTC)
no wonder you are still sick if you are only getting 3 hours of sleep!

Hang in there. It IS worth it, and you're doing great. I think you just do have to keep reminding yourself that it's not forever that you have to do this. It's difficult, but possible.

On the other hand, if work gets to be too much for you, cutting back on hours (or getting a part-time job) and taking out loans would not be the end of the world.
Mar. 19th, 2007 04:16 pm (UTC)
525600 minutes (527040 on leap years)
Oy. I hope you feel better. Echo Vivi: getting enough sleep is good, it helps you stay healthy, and helps you think faster and more effectively (at work or class).

Sometimes it is worthwhile to toil at unpleasant tasks now to achieve happiness in the future, but I don't think a grim "means to an end" mode is a viable way to live long-term. At some point you have to find joy and satisfaction in what you're doing at the time.

It's a tough problem, and as far as I know, you only get one life, no do-overs if you lean too far towards immediate lazy hedonism or unhappy miserly scrimping.

All I can suggest is that when you choose to go "Means-to-an-end", keep a plan in mind. Set specific goals, and reward yourself when you reach them. If you can see and measure the path to the light at the end of the tunnel, it's less of an endless grind.

And if you aren't reaching your chosen goals, or aren't finding pleasure in them when you get them, maybe you'd be happier trying something else. I speak from experience here; I spent two years working on the space elevator contest, and it went from a happy, joyful activity to a stressful, desperate grind that took up too much time that I could have spent with family, friends, and more fun and meaningful projects. It was a great learning experience, but I'm very glad I stopped to do other things.

Side thought: taking out loans to buy dresses seems IMRHO unwise. But student loans that would let you cut work hours to get more sleep might be a good option.

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )


Much like pineapples, I am hardcore.

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