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Melissa Abrams
CRW3311
Poem #4

To the one who was not 'the one'.

You research my every curve to etch it into your finest memories.
I glance hastily at you, remembering to buy ketchup.
The smear on your mouth is embarrassing.

Your wings are spread, a seagull waiting to pounce on a
tuna sandwich, perfection from the bird's eye.
I am your alka-seltzer tab.

You're putting your hand on mine as your tears flow, distorting
my image into hand-selected wishes that you require.
My hand, it struggles.

You are on your knee, stationary for the moment.
My legs are free.
I run.

Comments

( 17 comments — Leave a comment )
schnamara
May. 20th, 2009 02:11 am (UTC)
I am perplexed by the alka-selzer tab bit.
thisgirliknow
May. 20th, 2009 02:16 am (UTC)
good! that's an emotion, "perplexed"
schnamara
May. 20th, 2009 02:19 am (UTC)
I wouldn't quite say that, more like that line strikes me as illogical given the rest of the poem. I just don't get how it fits in. I've never really prized alka-seltzer, so maybe I'm missing something?

Not that I would know. I'm not a big fan of poetry myself either.
thisgirliknow
May. 20th, 2009 02:20 am (UTC)
he's a seagull.

i'm alka-seltzer.
schnamara
May. 20th, 2009 02:23 am (UTC)
Yes, but what is the connection?!?! Do seagulls get indigestion? Do they collect the tabs as treasures? Now I am perplexed (with emotion).
thisgirliknow
May. 20th, 2009 02:25 am (UTC)
alka-seltzer is really bad for seagulls. The myth is that if you feed a seagull an alka-seltzer tab, it explodes.

I don't know whether it's true or not, but it's probably something every ten year old boy wanted to do.

I thought it was a common thing that people knew. If not, I might be screwed.
schnamara
May. 20th, 2009 02:27 am (UTC)
Ohhhhhhhhh. No, I've never heard that. For a while I thought either I was really dumb or you were just terrible at writing poetry, which is surprising since I find your written work very good.

I get the whole poem now, I'd give it an A+.

As far as that myth goes, maybe you had to live around seagulls at a young age? I've never heard it, but from ages 6-15 I was in Nebrasks, sans seagulls.
thisgirliknow
May. 20th, 2009 02:31 am (UTC)
oh, but I am terrible at writing poetry! The stuff I think is good is apparently "riddles" and "verse" and the crap my professor likes is constant metaphors and cheesy lines.

Hopefully my professor is from Florida.
thisgirliknow
May. 20th, 2009 02:34 am (UTC)
any chance you noted the

you
your
you're
you are

?
schnamara
May. 20th, 2009 02:36 am (UTC)
No...sorry.
chapstickqueen
May. 20th, 2009 03:56 am (UTC)
I picked up on that!
tevarin
May. 20th, 2009 03:27 am (UTC)
The last stanza is my favorite.
negativeneve
May. 20th, 2009 07:09 am (UTC)
I also didn't get the alka-seltzer thing, but it's because I heard the myth with pidgeons not seagulls.

Imo, I think it would be better without the first line. It sets the tone and upon reading it I already know your feelings towards the person you're talking to. But if you left it out it would take me longer to figure out your feelings. Is that what you're aiming for?
thisgirliknow
May. 20th, 2009 07:56 am (UTC)
I'm not allowed to have "puzzle poems" where you figure out the vital information at the end. Apparently that's "riddles" and not "poetry", though personally I don't care for most examples of "poetry" as he likes it.
tally_cat
May. 20th, 2009 12:09 pm (UTC)
The second stanza doesn't seem to fit where it is (to me). I like the scene it paints - but it seems odd at that point in the flow of things. it almost seems like it should be the fourth instead of the second...? That would also spread out the food references and the more "human" portions of the piece - so there's some symmetry.
lizblizz
May. 20th, 2009 02:28 pm (UTC)
I understood the alka-seltzer bit, so you're not crazy.

I've never understood poetry, or liked it even, so it looks fine to me! lol
subjectivity
May. 20th, 2009 04:21 pm (UTC)
I like this one the best so far.
( 17 comments — Leave a comment )

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